#31DaysofStyle: The Beauty of Waiting, Guest Blogger: Joy Osahon
If you have ever been told, “you are too good of a woman to be single”, then this is for YOU…..
I struggled for over a month on what to blog about. At first I wanted to blog about womanhood and how one should embrace it. I thought it was a great idea. I thought I was led by the spirit to write about it. For some reason as I began writing, I could not write any longer. Something did not feel right until one evening. As I was driving home at night from work, I was having a real conversation with God. Yes, I talk out loud to God while driving, get out of that religious mindset that you can only talk to God with your eyes closed and in prayer stance. As mentioned, during my talk with God, I began to express to him my feelings about relationships and singleness. When I tell you, I was real; I got REAL. I told God, why is it that the men from my past have found the one and here I am picking up the pieces of a shattered heart from a man who had no idea of what he wanted or how he felt towards me. I began to complain to God that I met good/decent looking men who have promising careers but heart is not at peace with taking that initial step to want to move forward.
As I was talking to God, in my spirit I felt led to write a brief blog about why some God-fearing women stay single. Now before you move your mouse to the next button, keep on reading. The cliché lingo, I am single because I choose to be single, holds MANY truths.
I am not picky. I am just not desperate. I have been approached by a various assortment of guys. Young, middle and older men. Some came off to be decent while others came off to be creepy. The issue is not the fact that there is a shortage of men out there, the issue is that many men are not as open to become the man that God wants them to be. Women are naturally nurturing and comforting. EVERY woman loves to feel secured. What separates a worldly woman from a God-fearing woman is the source of that security. Some women find that source from the man’s job title or salary amount. God-fearing women find that security in a man’s relationship with Christ.
Ladies, there is nothing wrong with that. If your man was to lose his job, which causes him to file for unemployment, you will feel comfort in knowing that although he may be growing through it; he is depending on the Lord to truthfully bring him out! He is fully aware that God is a God of making a way out of no way. Now he may need your assistance to intercede in prayer for him, encourage him with the word and praying together. Rest assured in knowing that a man open to war with his struggle with God as his FULL armor will not only be his saving grace, he has truthfully let go of his ego and humbled himself to ask for help. Do not settle for anything less. It is easy for us to get a man with that $80,000-$100,000 salary and magnificence job title. However, our hearts desire that man who will pray not only for his own situations, but will pray for us and with us because we are aware that prayer moves mountains!
Let’s face it, when you find your refuge and safety in God, you will not want your heart associated with anyone who does not. Do not be embarrassed for that is your standard. You are actually wise because life can hit us with the good and bad. As many of us can easily be encouraged during the good, very few of us can be encouraged during the bad times. So if you are single because you refuse to settle for a weak man, you are not insane. Keep in mind of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. That should be everyone’s foundation. That is not to say that we will not miss the mark and find ourselves complaining instead of praying. We are humans, we are in no way shape or form perfect. But if your heart truly desires to find that hope in God, you are off to a great start!
Your selection in men is not only a representation of you; you understand that it is to glorify God. Now this is where things can begin to look unrealistic to some. When you have a relationship with God, certain things are cut off such as sex before marriage. Uh oh, I may have hit a nerve for some people. Some great women are single not just by choice but because the man refuses to wait. Attraction is beautiful and very important in any relationship but so is our soul. Some women may have met the ideal man for them but when the subject of sex surfaces, distance between the two becomes more apparent. Hence, it is important to talk about that in the beginning. It may not weed out the ones that you have no business being with, but it certainly does help. If this is your motto, keep it that way. I am not perfect and have made many mistakes. But I refuse, to subject myself to a worldly standard in order to keep a man. If sacrificing and hurting my relationship with God will gain me a relationship title, then I am title-less. This may sound peculiar to some and absurd to others but sex is really a big deal for some. The refusal to engage in sex is a choice. Since it is a choice, women of God have chosen to keep their legs closed at the risk of waiting a little while longer to meet the one for them. It is better to wait than to engage in something that truthfully clouds your judgment and prohibits you to act on certain things due to the soul ties. There is nothing wrong with waiting. You will come across guys who will no longer want to get to know you because of that but your choice to wait will make PERFECT sense once you realize that the person you may have considered to sleep with, is not truthfully the one that your heart desires.
Your standards and your unwillingness to budge or compromise certain areas of your life is why you are single. All of which is a choice. Do not get me wrong, no one is “holier than thou” so do not expect the guy to be and there are certain things that should and can be compromised because we are not perfect. These two areas make your wide dating pool a lot smaller. You will have moments of frustrations, loneliness, urges and more; but keep in mind it is normal. However, the reason a great woman like yourself is single, is because you have chosen to draw closer to God. You understand that who ever you give your heart to has a responsibility to not draw it away from your father. That choice will lead you to your blessing. The blessing that your Adam will recognize you as his missing rib.