His Pleasure, Her Pain, Guest Blogger: Pricilla Van-Slooten
Hi there Lovebugs :)
Do you really believe you can wait until marriage to have sex? Are you willing to honor God with your body? If you're struggling with being celibate until marriage , than this post is for you!
Today, we introduce Guest Blogger, Pricilla Van-Slooten who will speak on "His Pleasure, Her Pain". She can be reached via email at firstname.lastname@example.org and her website is dollz4christ.wordpress.com/.
It is one of those nights again with you and your ‘hubby’. You lay next to your greatest gift that you believe God graced you with. He loves you, he caresses you, he embraces you and whispers all the sweet little nothings in your ears. You enjoy every single bit of it. You love it. You are excited for what the future holds between you and your companion. You cannot believe that someone took interest and time in you. You are so in ‘love’ or are you? I mean he makes your heart melt but, there’s a problem. Love is patient but, he cannot seem to wait to get in bed with you. Love says I endure all things but, the moment you decide to cut the sex off, he is ready to take the next exit towards single hood. In all of this, you know better but you cannot do better.
You sit in listening to the words of pastor as it sinks deep in your heart,‘’SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS A SIN’’. The words starts to hit a few cords in your body and you begin to get nervous. You can feel the Pastor's eyes looking right at you. It is almost like he is looking straight in you. You are quick to turn your head away and distract yourself with the bible in front of you. The female leaders at church are constantly reminding you that a man doesn’t need to have sex with you in order to love you. That’s not love. But wait a minute, it’s different for you right. He isn’t such a bad guy, after all he buys you the precious gifts, surprises you and takes you on different trips. You have met the family and you’ve met his boys. This is a legit relationship. Here’s another plus; he comes to church regularly and even if he works on Sundays, he will try and make it when he can. It isn’t like he hates God any way. He knows that there is a God, he just doesn’t follow Him fully. He had to face some hardship down the line which made him have to work harder for his family and support them financially. He took a back seat with God but, you plan to change all that.
Now, let’s look at you. The beloved church girl who is working her way to know God and trying her very best to be right in the sight of God or shall you live to please man? Your smile is beautiful and your outfits are to die for but, have you checked your inside lately? You’re slowly dying and killing what God gave to you. I know that feeling when you try to pray but you wonder if God is really listening to you. You hesitate to walk to the altar because you are drenched in shame, guilt and condemnation. How many times have you repented and continue to repent hoping that it would be the last time you and your mister would disregard the voice of the Lord? So, you’ve repented now and you know that God has forgiven you for your sins; nevertheless, you go back to your mister hoping he too would repent with you and you would live a sin free life. So, he comes in agreement with you to make you happy but, the agreement didn’t last longer than 3 weeks. He may have even told you that sex is nothing and that it doesn’t validate the relationship. That excites you, doesn’t it; to know that your lover doesn’t need to sleep with you but, he still does any way.
Have you noticed, you’re slowly allowing yourself to go back to square one which is allowing a man who doesn’t have any right with your body get full pleasure, whilst you sit in pain. You chose your man over God and you don’t even realize it. That pain that you feel deep down in your heart every time you lay next to him is God telling you this isn’t where you belong and you know it. You’re reading this like, ‘’YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES ME’’. I do understand. I know what it feels like to have someone call you every day of the week not missing one phone call or text message. I know what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone thinking ‘’I’VE FOUND THE ONE’’. I know what it feels like to hold on tight to this wonderful man who makes you feel like there is no other woman that can ever take your place. But I also know what it feels like to be in the midst of the congregation trying to ACT my relationship with God. I know what it feels like to lift my hands praising and praying but, my heart and my mind are in condemnation. I know what it feels like to be asking God for something and my heart reminds me that I am not even right before Him. I know how it feels to cover up and hide the sin I wish to end. I’m praying God forgive me but I am not ready to let this man go. There is no need to blame the devil, when your own self-conscious is doing a fantastic job of reminding you how you are a filthy wreck in the eyes of the Lord. I know the feeling of endless conversations about how my man and I are going to live right as a couple but neither of us even know what God requires. We ignored His commandment on love. We ignored the author of love and created our own.
Beloved, I come to you today pleading with you, if you are reading this and you are in this situation RIGHT NOW, don’t even think about denying it, accept it, embrace it, now let’s change it. Society tells you that this is normal but last time I checked you were trying to get to heaven. God is the author of Love, He created it and it still exists only if you would believe Him for once. You cannot get caught up in the idea that ‘there aren’t a lot of good men out there. It seems like they are all married’. Some excuses are ‘what about the church boys who have sex outside of marriage?’ My dear they are not walking according to the purpose of God and for that reason alone he isn’t for you. You shouldn’t have to worry about why there isn’t enough men or when will God provide your husband or how will it happen. You simply trust God that it is going to happen. You trust Him to do it.
Psalm 37:4 Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires (NLT).
It doesn’t say He will choose to, it doesn’t say He may do, it says HE WILL GIVE IT TO YOU. You desire to be with a man of God, a true one at that; someone who will love you according to God’s standards, someone who will lead you according to the word of God. You want a man who isn’t afraid of going on his knees and crying before the Lord. You want a man that will dive deeper in the word; someone who isn’t afraid about his Jesus. He is out there, probably praying and waiting for you but, you can lose this man if you do not let go and let God. A lot of us women aspire to have a great marriage such as Cornelius and Heather Linsday and you can but, they waited on the Lord. They decided to die to their selfish desires and needs and walk according to the word of God. In being faithful and content with God, God was faithful to them. I believe God can write your love story only if you drop your pen.We get so caught up in ourselves, we forget the God who said He can do better than we can.
2 Cor. 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mis-mated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?" AMP
One day I was praying for a family member and I was asking God to awaken their spirit because it was dead. I used the story of Lazurus as a reference that if Christ could literally awaken a dead body He could do the same for my family member. In that moment God dropped 2 Corinthians 6:14 in my heart and told me this is the exact reason why you should not be unequally yoked. You wouldn’t live with a dead person. You wouldn’t even try to live a life with someone who is dead but, the moment we as children of God decided to align ourselves with someone who does not believe in Him and/or follow His ways then you are basically with a dead person. Remember we are spiritual beings who live in a body that possess a soul. You are tying your spirit with a dead spirit. As children of God we have been given eternal life but, those who walk according to the flesh are considered dead. I know some of you may say well he believes in God, notice I said walking according to the FLESH. Once you have decided to live a sinful nature and you find nothing wrong with it, you are in agreement with the enemy.
This statement also goes for you my love, if you believe that you are coming to church day in and day out calling the name of Jesus but, you have decided that you have no shame in sex before marriage then I must ask you ‘’Are you truly saved?’’ Do you believe and if so, what’s stopping you from living the life God designed for you?
Please read Romans 8:1-11 for full reference on the flesh and the spirit.
It is never too late to fully surrender to God and let Him be first priority in your life. When you surrender, you surrender giving up everything you once loved and allowing God to show you what He desires for you. I know it is challenging letting go of what you are used to but, don’t let not letting go be the reason why you weren’t able to receive the blessing God has for you. There is a perfect gentleman waiting for you who will love you unconditionally in the eyes of God and he is waiting for you. Take that step of faith and cancel any dates plans or romantic evenings you have set up with this guy and run to God. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN and surrender it all. It will be a difficult situation but, if you chose to let go, it will be the best situation you have ever made. I know what it feels like because I recently made a decision to just let go and trust God. I believe that if you are reading this and you are in this particular situation God is calling out for you. You may not know exactly how to do it but, grace will make a way. If you would like to discuss further, privately, do not hesitate to contact me directly and we can chat about the situation, discuss the root of the issue and we can pray together for guidance from the Holy Spirit to take you out of that situation.